MandyLionRock
Well-Known Member
There are those who suffer from what I call the"Tarzan syndrome"...
I cannot tell you how often this happens...
I walk my dog and all is well when all of a sudden perfect tranquility is disturbed by a hideously high pitched noise that makes me feel like someone is trying to tattoo the word "pain" on my brain through my ears... You know the sound... The high pitched
"OOOH MY GOOOOODDDD! ! ! HE'S SOOOO CUTTTEEEEEE! ! ! !"
Usually this sound is accompanied by a slightly hunched over white female zombie slowly dragging her cadaver to where my K9 son and I stand trying to persevere through this sonic terrorist attack... the creature slowly closes in with it's arms stretched out in front like the feelers of an undead snail searching for salad bar leftovers. By that time my K9 son is positively disturbed by what he sees and hears. At this point I usually get a tight grip on Raphael's collar to prevent a bloodbath, holding up a cruzifix with my middle finger exended pleading with the creepy creature to please stop the infernal noise and leave us in peace. Then, of course, the avalanche of angry questions ensues..."Why are you not nice", "why is your dog not nice", "why do you walk your dog in public if people cannot touch him"?
My answer usually is...
Look here creepy zombie snail high pitch lady... Neither I nor my dog care for your crazy arms, high pitched voice or germy hands. We aren't interested in receiving your demented love, OK? I kiss my dog's face all day long so do I really want your disjointed digits on his face where my lips will be just a few minutes later? I think not! WHO KNOWS WHERE YOUR UNDDEAD HANDS HAVE BEEN CREEPAZOID???!!!
Raphael gets love all day, every day and doesn't want your affection regardless of whether you "have a big dog too", think that "all dogs love all people who love dogs", you are "running with wolves" in your spare time or any other craziness spewing from your nutty, spit bubble spraying lips.
I have news for you... Dogs don't like high pitched crazy zombie snail ladies with weird postures approaching.
In fact... Even your very own dog doesn't like your voice and weirdness but he puts up with it because he is smarter than you and therefore forgives you for being the undead mess you are.
I find it interesting that for the most part this behavior is only displayed by white females. I have never had a black male approach my dog without a healthy amount of respect and caution.
This is why I like to call this condition the"Tarzan syndrome ".
Let us remember the story of Tarzan, shall we?
A little white baby is dropped off in the jungle, gets raised by apes and inevitably becomes "THE LORD OF THE JUNGLE", master to all creatures big and small and is worshipped by the natives as a God... RIGHT!
I believe that this silly story has greatly contributed to the behavior of the creepy white zombie snail high pitch females who believe that all animals must love and worship them.
One of these days I would like to write the REAL story of "Tarzan". The story will go a little something like this...
A white baby is dropped off in the jungle, shits itself, therefore attracting the nearest tiger who, even though thoroughly disgusted by the unholy smell, promptly eats little Tarzan to turn him into a kitty turd the very next time nature calls.... THE END.
This is the story that must be told to those who suffer from "Tarzan syndrome".
Maybe then I get to walk my dog in peace...?
Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk
I cannot tell you how often this happens...
I walk my dog and all is well when all of a sudden perfect tranquility is disturbed by a hideously high pitched noise that makes me feel like someone is trying to tattoo the word "pain" on my brain through my ears... You know the sound... The high pitched
"OOOH MY GOOOOODDDD! ! ! HE'S SOOOO CUTTTEEEEEE! ! ! !"
Usually this sound is accompanied by a slightly hunched over white female zombie slowly dragging her cadaver to where my K9 son and I stand trying to persevere through this sonic terrorist attack... the creature slowly closes in with it's arms stretched out in front like the feelers of an undead snail searching for salad bar leftovers. By that time my K9 son is positively disturbed by what he sees and hears. At this point I usually get a tight grip on Raphael's collar to prevent a bloodbath, holding up a cruzifix with my middle finger exended pleading with the creepy creature to please stop the infernal noise and leave us in peace. Then, of course, the avalanche of angry questions ensues..."Why are you not nice", "why is your dog not nice", "why do you walk your dog in public if people cannot touch him"?
My answer usually is...
Look here creepy zombie snail high pitch lady... Neither I nor my dog care for your crazy arms, high pitched voice or germy hands. We aren't interested in receiving your demented love, OK? I kiss my dog's face all day long so do I really want your disjointed digits on his face where my lips will be just a few minutes later? I think not! WHO KNOWS WHERE YOUR UNDDEAD HANDS HAVE BEEN CREEPAZOID???!!!
Raphael gets love all day, every day and doesn't want your affection regardless of whether you "have a big dog too", think that "all dogs love all people who love dogs", you are "running with wolves" in your spare time or any other craziness spewing from your nutty, spit bubble spraying lips.
I have news for you... Dogs don't like high pitched crazy zombie snail ladies with weird postures approaching.
In fact... Even your very own dog doesn't like your voice and weirdness but he puts up with it because he is smarter than you and therefore forgives you for being the undead mess you are.
I find it interesting that for the most part this behavior is only displayed by white females. I have never had a black male approach my dog without a healthy amount of respect and caution.
This is why I like to call this condition the"Tarzan syndrome ".
Let us remember the story of Tarzan, shall we?
A little white baby is dropped off in the jungle, gets raised by apes and inevitably becomes "THE LORD OF THE JUNGLE", master to all creatures big and small and is worshipped by the natives as a God... RIGHT!
I believe that this silly story has greatly contributed to the behavior of the creepy white zombie snail high pitch females who believe that all animals must love and worship them.
One of these days I would like to write the REAL story of "Tarzan". The story will go a little something like this...
A white baby is dropped off in the jungle, shits itself, therefore attracting the nearest tiger who, even though thoroughly disgusted by the unholy smell, promptly eats little Tarzan to turn him into a kitty turd the very next time nature calls.... THE END.
This is the story that must be told to those who suffer from "Tarzan syndrome".
Maybe then I get to walk my dog in peace...?
Sent from my SM-N910V using Tapatalk