Today we said goodbye to Cerberus. My heart is broken

Discussion in 'Memorials' started by Nik, Jun 13, 2016.

  1. Nik

    Nik Well-Known Member

    I woke up this morning to find out that Cerberus had bloat. Yesterday we went to the groomer. Yesterday he got the full pamper treatment including foot rubs and moisturizing. The day before we played and frolicked in the backyard like a puppy and then cuddled together on the couch. I wasn't ready to lose him. My husband wasn't ready to lose him. Diesel wasn't ready to lose him. The cats weren't ready to lose him.

    Cerberus was the most gentle soul you can imagine. Everyone loved him. The cats would sleep on him. He let the cats knead on him when they wanted and because of him we ended up with more than one feral cat to feed. He welcomed all souls into his yard. I even caught him letting rats eat out of his dish. Luckily the cats were less accepting of the rats. But, Cerberus had the most pure and gentle heart.

    Our male feral cat that stops by to eat even brought home a kitten (mini version of himself) and left it with Cerberus to watch over. We found a home for that kitten but it speaks volumes that a completely wild cat would trust this huge dog to look after his baby.

    There will never be another dog like Cerberus.

    My heart is broken. It wasn't enough time. He wanted to be with us longer. We wanted him with us longer. 15 years was not enough. 50 years would not be enough.

    I will add photos to this thread when I am calmer and can sort through what I have. For now I have nothing but tears.
     
  2. Boxergirl

    Boxergirl Well-Known Member

    Aw Nik. I'm so damn sorry. I know there aren't any words to make it easier or better. Whenever you are ready, I hope you do share lots of pictures and memories of Cerberus. You're so right. Fifty years wouldn't be long enough, but fifteen is remarkable and a testament to the care and love you gave him. Hugs.
     
  3. sjdavenport

    sjdavenport Well-Known Member

    I am so, so sorry. We never have enough time with those we love, but you two were truly blessed to have each other. He sounds like he was such a wonderful character.
     
  4. Smokeycat

    Smokeycat Well-Known Member

    That sucks. RIP Cerberus.

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  5. Hector

    Hector Well-Known Member

    It's really hard to say goodbye. He sounds like a great dog and had a great life. RIP Cerberus.
     
  6. Bob Felts

    Bob Felts Well-Known Member

    So sorry to hear of your loss. Run free Cerberus.

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  7. Nik

    Nik Well-Known Member

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    Some photos with my Cerberus throughout the years

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  8. QY10

    QY10 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry you had to say goodbye to him. RIP Cerberus.
     
  9. Oscar'sMom

    Oscar'sMom Well-Known Member

    My heart breaks for you! I cried reading this because I can't imagine how hard this must be for you! Oscar and I send all the love and prayers we can for you Diesel, dad and the cats for your loss :(
     
  10. tlov

    tlov Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss.


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  11. NYDDB

    NYDDB Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for such a heartfelt loss- I can imagine how much you all are hurting....he sounded like such a gentle soul. Peace to him, and to you.
     
  12. Nik

    Nik Well-Known Member

    Thank you for all of the kind words. I keep expecting myself to snap out of it but I have been crying non-stop all day.

    There is pain and guilt and loss. I feel guilty for sending him to the groomer yesterday when I could have been instead spending the entire day with him. I didnt know it was his last day and he needed the grooming but I still feel terrible. I feel awful that I couldnt save him. Maybe if I had checked on him in the middle of the night instead of when I woke? And I know logically that I did all I could for him but it doesnt feel like enough.

    I stayed with him long after he was gone. But I saw him fight the drugs to stay with us every moment possible despite being in pain. He never closed his eyes. He never gave up. And letting him go feels like I failed somehow. He was in pain and I know that. And I know I made the best decision I could. And it still feels like failure.

    My husband took a few photos of my last moments with him without my knowing.

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    This is so very hard. I have been cuddling Diesel like crazy and the cats when they let me. Diesel has obliged with many kisses but seems confused about why we are so upset and why Cerberus hasnt come home yet.




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  13. teodora

    teodora Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. :-(( He will always have a part of your heart, you know this...

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  14. Lisa P

    Lisa P Well-Known Member

    I am so very very sorry
     
  15. DennasMom

    DennasMom Well-Known Member

    :(
    My tears are with you. Forever is not enough. What a beautiful soul you had the joy of loving. Always in our hearts.
     
  16. CeeCee

    CeeCee Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry. There are no words. Rest in peace beautiful.
     
  17. Nik

    Nik Well-Known Member

    Thank you so much for all of your kind words. I know many of you have been through this and those of you haven't probably dread the day. You are all right that he will always be in my heart and in Sean's and Diesel's and the cats. I am still in tears. It seems impossible to bare such a devastating loss.

    Today Diesel seems to be starting to figure out that something is seriously wrong. He keeps looking for Cerberus. Walking around, sniffing all the areas where Cerberus usually lays. This morning he was sniffing his bed all over and kept looking and sniffing and then he ran over to me and started demand barking. I led him away from the bed and then when he had calmed I pet him and gave him lots of kisses. It's hard not being able to explain things to him. He doesn't understand why we are hurting although he knows we are. He doesn't understand why we haven't brought Cerberus home yet though he knows it's been too long that he has been gone.

    Everything reminds us of Cerberus and his absence feels enormous.

    I am trying to picture him running free on a beach. The leash free beach was his favorite place in all the world. And being with us at the beach was the happiest possible thing for him. Even at age 15 he would trot around and run like a clumsy puppy. We can't be at that beach with him now but I hope he can see us and that he has a nice big beach to run on.

    CeeCee - I love the quote in your signature. It is so fitting and perfect. I do hope we were worthy of him. We tried.
     
  18. Nik

    Nik Well-Known Member

    Every night before joining me in bed my husband would lay with Cerberus on his bed and listen to music with him for a good hour or two before literally tucking him in for the night. I regret that I only have the one photo I captured of their nightly ritual but I am glad I did think to capture it at least once

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    And I created a memorial meme photo for my Cerberus using the quote in CeeCee's signature.

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    Cerberus fought for every second he had with us. Even at the end he refused to take his eyes off of us. He kept his eyes on us until his very last heartbeat.


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  19. Jakesmum

    Jakesmum Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss Nik. I can feel your pain through your words and can hardly see to type through my tears. Cherish the memories and photos that you have of Cerberus.

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  20. angelbears

    angelbears Well-Known Member

    I am so very sorry Nik. I love Cerberus and the pictures you have shared with us. I'm happy that Cerberus had a wonderful and happy 15 years with you and your family. RIP beautiful sweet boy!
     

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