scared to death

[fila4me]

a little over a 2 weeks ago I noticed a pulling on the left side of my face. also, that the left side of my mouth had little movement. this past sunday I felt a small lump under my left ear, just above where my cancer was 4 yrs ago. I called both of my oncologists on Monday and had a head ct on Friday. followed up with one of my oncologists in the afternoon. he said, that it is a tumor and more than likely my cancer is back.
I have a full body ct Monday morning, see my ent surgeon the 2nd of July for a biopsy and to schedule another dissection!!! I then go back to my oncologist on the 8th for all of the results and to set a plan of action.

I am freaking the fuck out!! I am not telling my kids(4 and10)until I know for sure. if it is benign, I will not tell them. my 10yro has been thru so fucking much in her little life,not sure how much more she can handle without losing her shit! she lost her Papa in june 2007, my Nana Nov. 2008, my mom April 2009, a new baby brother in Dec. 2009, my cancer April 2010-June 2011 and my dad's recent passing on Easter. my 4yro will be a hand full for everyone if I get as sick as I did last time. he is such a momma's boy.

having such a hard time wrapping my head around this! on top of being strong for the kids.
I could scream and beating the crap out of something would be nice, lol!

on top of everything, I am so, so tired!

 

[Ehl]

OMG sorry you seem to have had a rough few years. Cross fingers and prayers sent your way.

 

[cayeesmom]

Crossing my fingers and sending positive thoughts to the universe for you, that it is benign. Hugs to you!

 

[Smokeycat]

Fingers crossed and wishing good news for you.

 

[mountainfila]

All fingers and toes crossed that it is nothing and thought i would post this video i just watched, they say laughter is the best medicine lol i hope you get a laugh from it. Think positive girl :bearhug:

[video=youtube_share;qRkHhIeovsU]http://youtu.be/qRkHhIeovsU[/video]

 

[Sadies Mom]

I am so sorry to hear this. Stay strong and just write your frustration, anger, sadness and happiness here. My thoughts and pryers are with you and your family.

 

[Hector]

Sorry about the news. You can beat this.

 

[BlackShadowCaneCorso]

Sending positive and heeling thoughts!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[glen]

Sending good news and healing thoughts your way.

 

[musicdeb]

I'm so sorry to hear this, fila4me. Please keep us posted. May you and your family find peace and comfort.

 

[alejandro]

Sorry to ear this, good luck, and stay positive.

 

[QY10]

Sending healing and positive thoughts your way. Please keep us updated.

 

[fixitlouie]

This is a tuff one. Ill pray for you and your family in this stressfull time. Good luck

fixitlouie via tapatalk via droid

 

[Bailey's Mom]

Fila4me, I am so very sorry to hear what has happened in your life. You can do this. You can and you will conquer this. You are not alone. Keep in contact with us, with your friends here. There is strength in numbers. I can't speak for everyone, but I will help with information and emotional support. Mastiff people are people of heart, people of quality, just like our dogs. We stick together.

 

[powergc]

So sorry to hear this, fila4me.

Sending you tons of positive vibes. Hope you come back with good news for us!!

 

[NYDDB]

fila4me, it's so hard to find some words of comfort for the uncertainty you have going on. You have been through so much, so I am sure you are stronger than most- remember that: whatever happens you can handle it. One step at a time; try not to let yourself become overwhelmed. Just breathe...

But, no matter what, please don't isolate; we are here with tons of support for you.

Lots of healing thoughts sent your way!

 

[DDSK]

So sorry to hear this.
Thoughts and prayers for you and your family

 

[Tunride]

I am so sorry to hear this! You are in our payers.

 

[el gato diablo]

Healing vibes sent your way...

 

[2nd Chance]

HOLY shit, you've been having a rough time, to say the least.
fingers crossed for you n yours here.