My friends and loved ones (and CR and AB hahahahahaha) hello!! Well where do I start? Terie (CR) has done such an amazing job of keeping you updated and informed I don't know what more to tell you. Chemo is finished, but you know this. Chemo was hell but you know this as well. Of the 6 sessions I ended up in hospital for 5 of them....not fun but here I still am. I am on LOTS of meds to control a torn muscle in my back caused from being so sick and they are working, stopping/controlling the spasms but they make me a zombie...I rattle like a bag of M&M's as I take 30 tablets a day including Diazapam and Gabopentin (spelling?) both of which make me very fuzzy headed and a little unsteady on my feet but I will take that over the debilitating pain any time. I have seen my consultant radiologist and start radiotherapy on the 11th. Side effects are fatigue, burning to the gullet and skin, all of which are manageable with more tablets I suppose. Normally they would also zap the brain at the same time as this cancer can spread to the brain but in my case they are holding back on that due to the tumour. They don't want to do more damage at the moment. Once my cell count and platelet count is somewhere near normal I will go back and see my neurologist and discuss tumour treatment and then hopefully they can give me further radiotherapy...its a pain in the arse and delays my cancer treatment but I trust my doctors to know what they are doing. I have a CT scan coming up next week so please don't uncross your fingers just yet but I am sure all will be as planned and well. I have no idea how long it is going to take to get back to a 'normal' life but believe it or not I am missing work!! Its funny what you miss when things are taken away from you when you haven't planned for them. On the flip side I get to spend my days with Bear and Mooshi, and days out are few and far between as I haven't exactly had very good white blood cell counts, therefore leaving me open to all sorts of bugs and infections....so I mostly stay home. Mooshi has become my shadow, literally! I cant even go for a pee without her laying outside the bathroom door. I tested her today to see how much she really would not let me out of her site...its not far. Bathroom, she was there. Garden, out she came. Bedroom, she lay on the bed. Basically I cant shit without that damn dog. LOL. As long as I am in her line of vision she is happy. We cant take her to the pub any more as she takes here guard duty very seriously and God forbid a server should walk towards me with a tray...she goes off her rocker to say the least. So my TM has turned in to a Fila...or a true blue TM...but ya know what I don't give a shite, she is doing what she should do. Mike continues to care for me above and beyond the call of duty, I could have never done this without him. You really never realise how much you are loved until someone basically takes you to the bathroom and waits for you to finish so they can help you to bed and never once complain about the dog walking, cooking, cleaning and constant worrying and caring. And then there are you all who send cards and gifts, there is Terie who updates when I cant and is a constant support, giver of love and true friendship. AB....what can I say....you spoil me, love me and are another true of the truest of friends without asking for a single thing in return. Everyone else who has prayed and sent wishes and cared and loved someone you have never met for a second in all your life I could have never done this without a single one of you. Please don't think I am ungrateful for a single second. My love is returned to you all. I am humbled and feel unworthy. You are ALL my mastiff family and I truly believe we can and will beat this and soon I will be back with you all on a regular basis...like it or not with my 'opinions' and love it or hate it humour. Hugs to you all. MM aka Tammy
