Cancer survivors?

[cj-sharpy]

Horrid question to have to ask but my minds going crazy.
A friend of mine (hopefully more than a friend) has had her daughter rushed to hospital where after a barrage of tests they have found a 3cm growth in her head.
She's due to have a biopsy today to determine exactly what it is. But as I understand it its a tumur. Just don't know what type yet.
I have been up all night reading and researching but most information I can find is based on adults.
So whilst a 3cm tumur may not be considered large in am adult is it large in a ten yr old?
What is the most likely course of action. Would surgery to remove it be almost guaranteed?
How long do biopsy results take to come back.

I ask here because I know we have some survivors in the forum and would would like advice or answers more realistic than what I can find on line.

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[Max's mom]

CJ Sharpy, my experience is that this is one of those things that you just cannot rush nor guess about. You have to wait. Not all tumors are cancer. Not all cancers are malignant. Some tumors are in places they cannot operate. Speculation makes the person worrying sick. Any tumor or growth in the brain can cause problems from memory/concentration to pain, dizziness, trouble walking or using hands. Headaches and vomiting are often accompanied by dizziness. The brain is sensative to pressure...even the slightest increase due to growth can cause significant problems. Children are less likely to have tumor/growth in the brain than adults. They are usually more resiliant aftter surgical removal and respond very well to treatments to build strenght/balance/coordination back. STOP reading or you will have this child diagnosed with the worst of the worst. 3cm is big for a child but you have to wait for biopsy. If they can biopsy...it's probably in a place that they can remove if needed. Biopsy results can be final in 3-7 days. They should be able to look immediately under the microscope and identify if it's cancer right away. It's figuring out the rest that takes a few days. I'm sure you are in for a long haul with this one. Mama needs strenght and support...often not found in words but in kind jestures like a soft rub on the back, cup of coffee, sweet unexpected treat. Your words like don't worry she'll be fine or we'll get through this will burn her to the core...that's her baby and she just needs to feel your strength and calm support. At 10, she'll still have some magical/fantasy kind of thoughts so....a special magical doll or teddy that she can carry to hospital that takes away pain or helps her sleep or protects her might be a good present for the little girl. Offers to stay with the child while mama gets a hot shower or takes a quite walk will also be helpful...I'm sure she will not want to leave the little girl alone ever at the hospital. Please keep us updated and I'll pray for good things to come. Again, stop researching on the internet. Don't think "she has that" when you read. NEVER works out!

 

[cj-sharpy]

Thanks MM.
I can't help reading up. It's just what I do as I want to have answers and not questions.
But I'm the type to assume she has the best that's possible. Not the worst.
So far I've kept my distance as family are obviously there and fretting a lot.
I'll wait until I'm asked but I have said that if mum or daughter need anything she only has to ask.
Magazines, clothes washing etc. There's no way mum is leaving that little girl alone for even a second so I don't want her worrying about little things like clean underwear or toothbrushes.
She's in getting her biopsy now.

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[tmricciuto]

I agree to not research on the net. It is so frustrating but do what you are doing and just be there to help the mom out.

 

[Smokeycat]

My cousin's son has just been through treatment for brain cancer and one thing that she said she appreciated was finding out that some mundane chore had been done for her as it let her return to his side. The only things she ever asked for were prayers and to help find some blankets that were identical to his blanket (he's 3) so that she could wash it without him knowing it was gone. Her needs never crossed her mind, so she never would of asked someone to help with that, until they had to which is why finding something done for her was such a welcome (usually) surprise.
I hope your friends daughter is going to be alright whatever her diagnosis is.
Oh and the worst thing you could do for Mom is advice of any sort. That was what would send my easy going cousin into a rage.

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[Boxergirl]

CJ, you've gotten really great advice. I almost lost my daughter when she was 2. Not cancer, thank goodness. It was the most awful time I've ever been through. Moms have to be so strong. And we can be remarkably strong. Until we can't. My suggestion, in addition to what everyone else has said, is to just be there for her. Listen and don't offer advice or try to make things better. If the time comes - let her be angry. Let her be scared. Let her cry or scream or laugh. Whatever she needs to do. I have a very supportive husband, but he took his cues from me - so I was strong. Only my poor dog knew that I was pretending. I would have given a lot to have one friend that told me it was okay to be scared or angry instead of strong. I wish your lady friend and her daughter all the best and I'm so sorry they are going through this.

Smokeycat, I hope your cousin's little boy is doing well.

 

[Smokeycat]

Smokeycat, I hope your cousin's little boy is doing well.

Thank you. They were given the best Christmas gift ever when the doctors decided that he was likely cancer-free, they believe the remaining masses are scar tissue since they hadn't changed in several months. Now the focus is helping everyone adjust to the new normal as there were nurilogical side effects of the tumors. It's much better than the focus being on trying to keep him alive.

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[Jakesmum]

I don't know anyone who has had brain cancer, but my family has been through a lot in the last 5 years. My brother and my cousin were diagnosed with 2 different types of cancer at the same time, my brother had surgery to remove a tumor from his kidney and my cousin had chemo for non hodgkins lymphoma, they are both coming up on their 5 years of being cancer free. My brother in law was just diagnosed with a different type of non hodgkins lymphoma before Christmas and started chemo on the 21st. We are confident with the advances in cancer research that he will beat it as well and go on to live a long healthy life. On top of that my husband had open heart surgery shortly after my brother and cousins diagnoses to repair a leaky mitral valve (he was the youngest in the cardiac ward at the hospital) and now my dad has been diagnosed with an abdominal aortic aneurism so he may need surgery to repair that if a stint won't relieve it. I know it's hard not to research everything and when you start reading stuff on the internet it gets very scary, but like everyone said not every tumor is cancer and have confidence that your friends daughter is getting the best possible care. I am like you and tend to research everything to death and get as much information as I can possibly get, but just take it all with a grain of salt. The best thing you can do is be there for your friend and just let her vent when she needs to. Don't try to do too much for her, but the little things will go a long way.

 

[Boxergirl]

Thank you. They were given the best Christmas gift ever when the doctors decided that he was likely cancer-free, they believe the remaining masses are scar tissue since they hadn't changed in several months. Now the focus is helping everyone adjust to the new normal as there were nurilogical side effects of the tumors. It's much better than the focus being on trying to keep him alive. Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk

That is truly a blessing. I remember you posting about him now. My daughter came home right before Xmas. We had no gifts and no money, but we had all that was important. So much to be grateful for.

CJ, is there anything like Ronald McDonald House where you are? I think that there is. They were a blessing to us. We were so exhausted and I was just six weeks pregnant with a high risk pregnancy. We were in a hospital in Chicago, but we lived in Indiana. Too far to make a quick trip home. They gave us a place to stay when we needed it for something like $30 a week. There was a kitchen, books, movies ... and presents because it was Xmas time and they knew that all the parents hadn't had time to go shopping. I will forever be grateful to them. It might be something to check into and pass along any information.

 

[cj-sharpy]

I'll have a look at the McDonald's thing.
I've tried my best tonight to stop saying "she'll be fine" or "stay positive". I've said it now and I know she can't possibly stop worrying.
I've asked if I can send a balloon or a ball game but been told no as her daddy is there and she doesn't want to have to explain mummy's new BF just now.
That is completely understandable.
I've decided to concentrate on what she says.
If she starts with talk of the illness then I'll talk about that.
If she asks how I'm doing I will tell her every tiny detail of my day. I'm assuming she wants distracting at times and discussing my soup or washing the car or anything I can talk about that will take her mind off things for a moment will help.


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[cj-sharpy]

Still waiting on the biopsy results.
In my mind they are going to a its a benign mass that's easily removable and the worst thing will be the shaved patch of hair.
Obviously mummies mind has the worst running through it.

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[DennasMom]

My mantra is pretty much "Hope for the Best but Prepare for the Worst".... which isn't always healthy (according to my DH). But, it works for me. I stay positive, and send healing thoughts to the patient... the best defense against any cancer (in my opinion) is a strong body and immune system. Once the body can identify the bad cells, it knows what to do with them - but cancer is good at hiding, and sometimes it takes more than an army of good cells to swarm the bad. Sorry... just my philosophy on the matter... And I certainly hope the biopsy comes back showing the tumor as benign, and easily removable!!

I had a friend with a brain tumor - found in her early 30's. It wasn't malignant, and they did remove it. They went in through her sinuses to suck it out, which she thought was pretty cool (she's a mechanical engineer, too). She had named it "Fred" (after her PhD adviser... who she blamed most of her headaches on). Her surgery was very successful and she was completely headache free for over a decade (after suffering from migraines her entire adult life).

I think you got some awesome advice, above, on just being there for the mom - helping with the little things around the house (cleaning, cooking, laundry), and offering some low-energy distractions when she needs them. Just listening can be a great boon. Sometimes people just need someone to empathize with them (women especially), and are not looking for solutions... emotional support can be very, very important.

That you even ask the questions here tells me you are a wonderful person. The mom and daughter are certainly blessed that you are in their lives right now.
Hoping for the best, and that the daughter can be home and 100% healthy very, very soon!

 

[Ginurse]

Still waiting on the biopsy results. In my mind they are going to a its a benign mass that's easily removable and the worst thing will be the shaved patch of hair. Obviously mummies mind has the worst running through it. Sent from my SM-A300FU using Tapatalk

I hope if it's not benign, it's an easily treated condition. That is so nice that you are by your GF's side right now. Praying for that little girl...

 

[cj-sharpy]

No lad results yet. It's a waiting game.
I feel bloody awful texting her about our next date or talking about my laundry but I guess she might need a disraction.
So the poor lass is hearing all about home made soup and trios to the bank.

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[karennj]

Worrying won't change anything so you just have to wait it out and take the news, whatever it may be, when it comes. I think letting the mom dictate the conversation is the way to go. I have heard that people going through stressful situations don't need to be constantly reminded about the stressful situation. Most people will talk if they need a listening ear and if they seem to be bottling up you can always ask a simple, how are you doing. Praying it is nothing serious!

 

[Bob Felts]

I Did cancer a few years back. A year of chemo, surgery and such. A lot of my chemo was 24-7, and those were the worst times. What I didn't want: Long drawn out conversations about how cancer sucked. People trying to "cheer me up." People afraid to say the word "cancer" as if it would call it down on me (again) or themselves.
What I did want:
People to visit when I was in 24-7. That's a lot of time to spend listening to the IV pump. People who would come by and play poker, and take advantage of "chemo brain" moments to win at poker. Got a lot of post chemo BBQs arranged this way. Didn't mind, just part of the fun. Folks to argue theology and doctrine with me. Never had so much fun trying to convince my Southern Baptist preacher friend he was a heritic.

Don't coddle them. Do find out what they need, and do that for them. Or get it done for them. Hire a window washer if you can't get the 2nd. floor windows done; because you are afraid of heights. Walk their dog. Smuggle in their favorite Thai curry, etc. Take their family out to dinner, have them over for dinner, to the park, get the oil in the family minivan changed. Listen.

In short (too late) be a friend.
Even 20 minutes of chat weekly will mean a lot to them


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[Rugers-Kris]

I am so sorry to hear this, CJ. It sounds like you are there for anything she made need and that is what is important. I have no experience with it but I am praying for this sweet little girl.

 

[Boxergirl]

Hey Bob - glad you kicked it's butt and you're here with us.

 

[cj-sharpy]

Just received a message from her mum. It is cancerous and it has spread.

 

[amandakay2]

Cj im sorry to hear that

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