Two and a half weeks ago, I had to put down my best friend. King was my pride and joy. He has helped me get through so many situations and was always the best shoulder to cry on. He was a silly boy in his younger days for sure. My children grew up with him, especially my youngest. Leland (my youngest) took naps on him, played with him, learned to crawl by getting his tail and so much more. He had a bond with all 5 of us in our home. I had figured I would have to put my boy down at the end of summer as I knew his hips could not do another Michigan winter. They went bad until them cold days. I wasn't prepared however to wake up at 5am to my best friend having a seizer. He was in my room against the door seizing. I was freaking out. When he was done, he couldn't get up. I laid with him calming him down for several minutes while he caught his bearings. He struggled to get up, half of his body wasn't working. He was foaming at the mouth and there was just so much blood. It was all from him biting his tongue. I noticed several things about him as he paced around and knew my boy had a stroke. That about killed me to know he was having a stroke on the floor in the dark by himself. I was on the bed but didn't know. Several hours later, two more large seizers and several small ones I was on the floor at the vet holding my boy. My husband laying his head on our boys head so the vet could put the needle in his arm. I lost it when he took his last breath. I knew I would take it hard when he passed but this was unbearable. The drive home was short, but that empty feeling walking into the house with no excited friend to great you was the worse. And even worse was looking around the house at all the blood and slobber all on the walls, floor and carpet. Headphones in, crying my eyes out I scrubbed away for hours. I had to get the blood up before my kids all came home from school. That was the next bad part, telling my kids 15, 13, 8 that we had to put him down. The 15 year old cried for days and days, the 13 year cried for days and started having panic attacks at school, the 8 year old started peeing his pants because he said he didn't know how to express his feelings and he just missed his brother so bad. I walked around non stop with headphones in and cleaning. I took rooms apart and cleaned and would do it again. I didn't sleep for the first week because every time I tried to lay down I would cry and get hysterical. My husband came home from work every day changed, ate and left. He would come home at some crazy hour and sleep a couple hours and head back to work. I knew things would be bad as king was our kid and a brother to my human kids. We treated him no different then the human kids. I never knew things would be this bad. Our families couldn't figure out what to do, not that there was anything to do. We missed our boy so bad. It's the things that once irritated you that you missed. The snoring drove me nuts, but let me tell you, the silence; oh the silence is the worst!! I miss the snoring so much. Showering when the kids were at school meant keeping the door open unless I wanted to hear crying at the door and constant head butting. Showers are so quiet and boring now. Or the things you don't think about. The day he passed I made half a sandwich that night. Wasn't hungry but knew I needed to eat. I couldn't swallow much of it, threw the other part on the floor to the right of me.. Realized what i did! My boy was not laying there like he always had been. My dad called to check on me one day. A few months back he had to put his dog down. He said I know you don't want to think about it, but do you plan on getting another dog. I said of course another mastiff just not soon. He says don't wait do it right now. I told him it's not that easy, were not ready, we have to research , get on waiting list etc. he said well do it because it's the only way you guys will start to heal. I said okay, long story short, two days later we were driving to the next state to pick up our new boy. We went as a family so everyone could see if it felt right. Not only did it feel right, we all had a smile on our face! It was the first smile in over a week. We filled everything out, paid and on the road we went with our new boy . So here I am now. My boy king has been gone two and half weeks. I still get choked up about it, but it's not all the time. We have had our new boy tank for a week and a couple days. We are all starting to heal as a family and coming back together again. We enjoy this new puppy so much! And bonus for me the kids are older this time so I have help. LOL. Not that I want much help cause I find myself babying this boy like crazy. I can't help it! But I did that with king as well so really it's no different! King is back home with us, his ashes are sitting on a high shelf in my bedroom (his favorite room if mommy wasn't home) along with his collar. Sorry this was so long but it really felt good to finally tell people about my boy and have someone understand how our family fell apart over our boy.