House Rules

[ruby55]

House Rules for Dogs and Cats. Post them where they can be read by your pets.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print belong to you and contain your food. The rest of the dishes belong to me and contain my food.
Please note, if you put a paw print in the middle of my plate or food, that does not stake a claim for it. It is still mine. I also do not find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
NASCAR did not design the stairway. It is not a racetrack. Trying to beat me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me will not help you win because I will fall faster than you can run.
A king-sized bed is the largest that is made. I cannot get anything bigger. I am sorry about this. Do not expect me to continue to sleep on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats are capable of curling into a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular next to each other and stretched out to the fullest extent possible.
Sticking your tail out straight and hanging your tongue out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I manage to beat you there and get the door shut, it is not necessary to whine, meow, claw, try to turn to doorknob, or squeeze your paw under the door to try to pull it open. I have to exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for many years -- feline or canine attendance is not required.

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit Us and Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't like their hair on your clothing, then stay off the furniture. (That's why it's called it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he or she is an adopted son or daughter who is hairy, short, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than children because they:

1. Eat less.
2. Usually come when called.
3. Are easier to train.
4. Don't ask for money all the time.
5. Don't drink or smoke.
6. Don't hang out with friends who use drugs.
7. Never ask to drive the car.
8. Don't have to have the latest fashions.
9. Don't want to wear your clothes.
10. Don't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.

 

[Smart_Family]

Love this! Especially the part about the dishes and the bed.

 

[angelbears]

My fav is: you can sell the children!

 

[AKBull]

"Also, I have been using the bathroom for many years -- feline or canine attendance is not required."


This!

 

[Duetsche_Doggen]

This is just awesome! My mother is definately a #3 so true with the children.

 

[Marrowshard]

Please note, if you put a paw print in the middle of my plate or food, that does not stake a claim for it. It is still mine. I also do not find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

<looks sidelong at Oscar>

Once, on my way to Thanksgiving dinner (with the pup, of course), I needed to stop at the grocery store. I left my plastic-covered sweet-potato bake on the floorboards of the front passenger seat with the dog crashed out in the backseat. When I came back, the dog was still in the back seat, but alert and contriving to look angelic. At some point, he'd climbed into the front, stepped in the bake, then climbed into the back again. One perfect (huge) dog pawprint in my dish and tell-tale bits of sweet potato still stuck between Oscar's toes.
Couldn't possibly be mad at him ... I DID leave it "out", and at least he didn't eat any. Re-flattened the bake with the back of a spoon and no one minded

~Marrow

 

[AKBull]

...and no one minded

Yeah but did you tell them there had been dog toes in there?? :lolbangtable:

 

[chuckorlando]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Tis aint your hair in my sweet patato is it? HAHAHHAHAHAHAA.

I think Ive had bout every experiance on the list. I like the list for non pet owners. I do like my dog's better than most humans

 

[Oak Hill Farm]

This is what I love about fellow dog people...What's a little dog paw in the casserole?

 

[Marrowshard]

LOL yeah I DID tell them about it ... they have a Lab who's best buds with Oscar so they're used to my boy and hair everywhere. Was NOT going to let a lousy pawprint mess up sweet potato bake with brown sugar-walnut glaze! Still tasted yummy

~Marrow