The Dirty Joke Thread

[northernmastiff]

One of the first times my MIL (and most of my inlaws) met my mom, she was giving me a dildo at my buck and doe. So yeah, it was a wonderful party.

 

[Kujo]

can we move this thread to the controversial section, pretty please?

 

[Buddha's Dad]

Hung Chow calls into work and says, ‘Hey, I no come work today, I really sick . Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work.’
The boss says, ‘You know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel sick like you do, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work.. You try that.’
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. ‘I do what You say and I feel great.. I be at work soon………You got nice house’

 

[Buddha's Dad]

A man walks out of a bar with a key in his hand.


He is stumbling back and forth.


A cop on the beat sees him and approaches


"Can I help you sir?"


"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr" he replies.


The cop asks


"Where was your car the last time you saw it?"


"It wasss on the end of thisshh key" the man replies.


About that time the cop looks down,


and sees the guy's weenie hanging out of his fly,


for all the world to see.


He asks....


"Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"


Momentarily confused,


the man looks down at his crotch,


and without missing a beat,


blurts out..........


"I'll be damned ----- My girlfriend's gone too."

 

[Buddha's Dad]

The nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one morning and she asked the question,
"When you die and go to Heaven which part of your body goes first?"
Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."
"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?"
Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first."
"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said.
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs."
The nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little
Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"
Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night.
Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

 

[cwayaustx]

How do you get a ginger into an argument?

Say something to them.

 

[cwayaustx]

What's the difference between a dead ginger and roadkill?

There are skid marks in front of the roadkill.

 

[cwayaustx]

So I was recently reading that condoms are effective only 97% of the time and I thought that's really not good enough for me. So I had my girlfriend get on the pill, which is apparently 98% effective. I was still feeling a little paranoid, so then I also had her use female condoms. But after all this my mind still wasn't at ease, and I really wanted something that was 100% effective. So yesterday I dyed my hair to become ginger.

 

[voidecho]

Nice ones Buddha.

Ok ones cw.