Rip duke! Gone but never forgotten!

Discussion in 'Memorials' started by Duke23, Feb 3, 2016.

  1. Duke23

    Duke23 Well-Known Member

    I remember the first day I saw you. You were the cutest puppy I had ever seen (NO JOKE). You has such a cute face. You were such a baby but so cute. My friend brought you over to my house to show you to me since he just got you. Instantly I was jealous and wanted you for myself.

    My friend asked me to baby sit you for awhile so I did. I drove you all over the place. Took you everywhere in my old Bronco as if you were my own. Then you puked in my lap. Instead of being mad I laughed. You were to cute to be mad at. I cleaned us up and took you back to my house. My friend picked you up but I was already attached. My friend was going to the airforce and I thought that you should be given to me. But he thought he could take care of you after bootcamp. So I supported it.

    Almost 2 years passed and I had went over to your house to visit my friend who was back from the airforce to visit. You were HUGE! Never seen a dog that size. How did that little cute thing I saw grow up to be such a beautiful gentle giant? I still had that urge to take you home but you werent mine. Not even a few weeks later my friend asked me if I could take care of you as I would provide a better home for you. I gave him one condition... that if I made the commitment you would be my dog and I wouldnt give you back because I would fall in love with you. He agreed and I fell head over heals for you!

    I remember the day you moved in with me. You got dropped off and you were so confused. You didnt understand why you were getting dropped off as you watched that truck drive away. It didnt take you long to realize though that I loved you and had good intentions. You got comfortable with me and ONLY me withing a few hours. We had a loyal bond from that point forward. I was your master and you were my best friend. You wanted nobody but me and I was so happy to have you! We had a bond that would never ever be broken.

    You saw me through my divorce. You were there when I needed someone to lean on. Dont know how I would have gotten through it without you. You always knew how to cheer me up and make me smile. Uh Oh... in comes another woman? I know you were unsure and you were worried about me. You didnt want to see me hurt again and go through this again. Little did you know that woman was the other love of your life!

    Nikki MacAllister moved in. You were still unsure. You made her EARN your love and trust. But once she did that, you would never go back. For the first time in your life you had 2 strong bonds with humans that could never ever be broken. You loved her as much as you loved me. She was your snuggle buddy and I was your partner in crime. She was there when you needed loves and I was there when you wanted to play and go do something fun! It was the perfect mix!

    You saw Nikki and I though some of the roughest times. You helped her deal with loss that nobody should ever have to go through. You helped me deal with my grandpa's passing. It didnt matter how down we got you always knew how to pick us right back up and let us know how special we were and how we needed to keep living! We can never ever thank you enough for all your love and support though all those times.

    You also gave us the best times we could ever ask for. We had the funnest times on our walks together as a family. Mom would always make you stop right in the middle for a selfie. You obliged to make her happy. Even would strike a pose at times. You always aimed to please us. My favorite times of all was when we would howl at the train together. YES I HOWLED TOO! We did this every single night for 10 years! Mom would get a kick out of it and film us. Memories I will always cherish. I also loved when you would put your paws on my chest and stand up on your hind legs to get some lovin. You were the cutest when you would bark at us for food, dance and stomp when it was coming to you and when you would play with us both! I know you melted your moms heart when you would sunbath during the day. Also we both were mesmerized by your beautiful posture. You looked like a lion. Such a beautiful creature. That always got her! You were her baby. You were moms person. You were her everything!

    This fall you started to get really skinny. You started to limp. You started to age. It was mine and Nikki's worst nightmare. We feared your older age for a mastiff was finally catching up to you. As the months progressed you got worse. Still doing your best to please us even though you were losing yourself and were in pain. It didnt matter what you were going through, you wanted to see smiles on our faces!

    Thanksgiving rolled around and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Reality set in a bit and I realized this wasnt something you would pull out of. We were slowly losing you. The circle of life they say. You couldnt bark anymore, howl anymore or any of your normal stuff. I was hurt, crushed and didnt want to accept it. I thought I could get you through it just like you got me through everything I went through. Little did I know that you can beat father time....

    Christmas rolled around and we though you may have to be put down. Again, I personally wouldnt accept it. I thought you could get through it. But from that point forward you started to fall apart physically. Cancer set in your bones and there was nothing I could do. It was time to prepare for a loss I never wanted to face.

    After watching you struggle to get around we made the decision to allow you to go to heaven. It was our time to return the favor. We wanted to take care of you like you took care of us. So even though I didnt want to make the decision and didnt want to accept it, I did it for the greater good of you. As im typing this im still not sure ive accepted it. Im having a hard time understanding. Im questioning if I made the right decision but I tell myself it was a battle we would have never won. I hope It was the right thing and the decision you wanted us to make.

    Now you can bark again, howl at the train again, walk normally, eat normally and be that awesome, beautiful majestic dog you once were. Now you can have your pride and dignity back as I know this stripped you of your pride that you once had. Now you can have the best life ever up in heaven.

    Just want you to know I will never forget you. You were the best thing I could have ever asked for in my life. I wouldnt trade you for anything in this world. I would give up my brand new house, material things, money anything just to have you back. Thank you so much for everything you did to bring me joy. Mom also is really upset. She loved you more than life. She would have given up anything for you including a limb. No really she told me that! You will always and forever be her first love and her baby. I feel the same way. I wont listen to the train the same and we live next to the tracks....I honestly dont know how im going to go on without you. Your not here to get me through this one so Ill have to figure it out. But I'm struggling..... I miss you already so damn much.... I dont know this life without you. This will be the biggest struggle I will ever have but ill get through it for you! I want you to live carefree up there because thats what you deserve.

    I love you so much. Nothing can ever replace you. I will never forget. I love you Duke! Momma loves you too! RIP
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  2. angelbears

    angelbears Well-Known Member

    A very beautiful and fitting memorial for Duke. I am so sorry for your loss. I understand questioning yourself about Duke. Try not to. It is not what he would want. Duke knows he was lucky that you loved him enough not to ask him to struggle any longer.
     
  3. tmricciuto

    tmricciuto Well-Known Member

    You did so right by Duke. So sorry for your loss.
     
  4. Oscar'sMom

    Oscar'sMom Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss but what a great post about him. Run free Duke!
     
  5. Hiraeth

    Hiraeth Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry for your loss.

    And you shouldn't question your decision. Dogs don't view death like we do. They don't understand its imminence, or wake up every day wondering if it's their last, or worry about saying goodbye. What dogs understand is that they're in pain, but they don't know why that is. It is a noble thing to let them go when they are suffering, even if it means we suffer more in the process. You did the right thing, a brave thing that many people can't stomach, and you didn't force Duke to live for you. Letting go is the sign of a wonderful dog owner who truly loves their dog above all else.
     
  6. Boxergirl

    Boxergirl Well-Known Member

    Ditto what everyone else has said. Duke was a beautiful boy. You loved him enough to let him go instead of let him live in pain because you couldn't bear to lose him. Not everyone can do that. On the days you do question your decision, and we all do, remember that one day too soon is always better than one day too late. Always. Thank you for sharing Duke with us.
     
  7. Max's mom

    Max's mom Well-Known Member

    Thank you for sharing your special bond and your love and devotion to Duke. He'll be waiting for you!
     
  8. Duke23

    Duke23 Well-Known Member

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  9. OdinBB

    OdinBB Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story and giving that boy such a wonderful and loving life.

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  10. Big Mutt Luva

    Big Mutt Luva Active Member

    Duke I never met you but I am sitting here sobbing and miss u! DUKE- I can tell you did your job on this earth like a champ. You taught your human so many things... And I hope you are running and howling in peace knowing that your humans will be okay... They are sad and miss you but are so much more having had the blessing you are...And while your humans are feeling less without you and grieving over this new chapter that doesn't have you scripted in, please have peace knowing that while they will always love and miss you, in their hearts they know your happiness was how you served them, and when your body wouldn't allow this anymore, you could not have peace in this earthly body. I know you would lick them a slobbery kiss right now to thank them for releasing you. RIP Duke...
     
  11. 7121548

    7121548 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your tremendous loss. Thank you for sharing your special memories and photos of Duke.
     
  12. DennasMom

    DennasMom Well-Known Member

    Oh, what a beautiful dog, and so many beautiful memories. Thank you for sharing just a little piece of him with us.
    Rest in Peace, Duke.
     
  13. scorning

    scorning Well-Known Member

    Very touching tribute, reminded me of when my Dexter passed in 2014. I still think of him everyday. I recently came across this is a Doberman group I below to, it has the same spirit as your post.
    Someone posted this in a local pet group on FB...Yesterday was a weird day. I couldn't get myself out of bed. The guy I live with lifted me up. I tried to get my legs under me, but they wouldn't cooperate. He said, "Don't worry, I gotcha buddy," carried me downstairs, and out the front door. That was so nice of him. I needed to pee so badly, I just had to go right there where he put me down. Normally I wouldn't, but we both decided to make an exception to the rule.
    I started walking down the parking lot toward that place where all the dogs like me go to poop. I felt my paws dragging on the ground. "How strange," I thought. Then suddenly, I just had to go, really badly. In the middle of the parking lot. Normally, I wouldn't do that. It's against the rules.
    My person cleaned up the mess. He's good at that. I felt embarrassed, looked at him, and he said, "Want to keep walking, buddy?" I did, but it was surprisingly tough. By the time we reached the end of the parking lot, my head was spinning. I tried to climb the little hill, and nearly fell over. I couldn't figure out what was going on.
    He reached down again, and ran his hands over me. That felt good. He picked me up, and carried me home. I was still confused, and my head was light, but I was glad not to have to walk all the way back. It suddenly seemed like an impossible distance.
    I was so glad to lay down on my bed. My person petted me, saying, "I gotcha covered, buddy. I gotcha." I love the way that makes me feel. I know he does. He makes everything better.
    He felt my paws, and pulled up my lip. He said, "Oh buddy, are you cold?" I was. My face was cold, my paws were cold. He texted a few people, and came back to pet me.A few minutes later, another person arrived. He's one of my favorites, and his name is Jay. He petted me, and said to my person, "Do you want to get a blanket?" They put a blanket over me, and wow... that felt good. I relaxed, and they both petted me, but they both started to choke back tears.
    I never want them to cry, it breaks my heart. It's my job to make them feel better, and I was just a little tired, and cold. I drifted in and out of sleep, and they were always there, making sure I was okay, and chatting with each other.
    Throughout the day, my person made some phone calls, and spent a lot of time with me. I heard him say, "9 am tomorrow... ok... yes... I'll tell you if anything changes. Thank you Dr. MacDonald." He called someone else, and said, "I'm sorry, I have to cancel tonight." Then as I was drifting off to sleep, I think I heard him cry a little again.
    In the evening, more of my favorite people came by. They were all so loving. I licked their tears away when they would get close enough to my face. They whispered sweet things in my ear, and told me I was a good boy.
    Later in the evening, I felt well enough to stand up and walk to the door to see who was coming in. It was more exhausting than I'd remembered it being, but I loved seeing them all. I heard my person say something like, "That's the first time he's gotten up under his own power today." Everyone seemed glad that I was out of bed. I was too, but wow... after the excitement wore off, it was so exhausting to move around.
    After the last visitor left, my person took me outside to do what he called, "my business." We went back inside and when we reached the bottom of the stairs, they looked twice as steep and ten times as long as I remembered them being. I looked at my person, and he looked at me. He said, "Don't worry, I gotcha buddy," and carried me up.
    Then it got even better! Instead of sleeping in my bed, he called me up to sleep on *his* bed. Let me repeat: *I got to sleep in the bed with my person!* We normally have our own beds, but last night we snuggled, and it felt so good to be that close to him. I thought, "This is where I belong. I will never leave his side." I didn't feel very well though, and it was hard to breathe sometimes.
    It seems like it started a few months ago. We were playing fetch and I just blacked out. I don't know what happened, but I think I stopped breathing. I could hear my person calling my name. I couldn't move a muscle. He lifted my head, and looked into my eyes. I could see him right there, but couldn't lick his face. He said, "Benny, are you in there?" I couldn't respond. He looked at me, and said, "Don't worry buddy, I gotcha. I gotcha covered." I started to spin into darkness, but then my lungs took in a deep breath, and I could see again.
    We went to see some doctors, and since then I've heard a lot of words like, "cardiomyopathy," "cancer," and, "kidney failure." All i know is that sometimes I feel okay, and sometimes... you know... I just don't. My person gives me pills.
    This morning, I heard my person get up and take a shower. He came back in the room, and smelled so nice. He helped me get up, but this time, I could do it on my own. We got to the top of the stairs, and wow... they looked long and steep again. He said, "I gotcha buddy," and carried me down. I did my business, and we came back inside. He opened a can, a really, really delicious can of wet dog food. Oh man... I love that stuff!
    Jay showed up again. What a nice surprise! He and my person seemed concerned, but everyone was petting me. It seemed a little like a play, where all the actors were sad, but pretending to be happy. Pretty soon after that, another person showed up. She was wearing doctor pants, and I leaned on her.
    I heard them talk. Everyone looked at my gums, and felt my paws. I heard the doctor pants lady say, "It's your decision, but he's definitely in that window. I don't want to push you, but looking at his lack of color, I am honestly shocked he's even standing up. In addition to the paws and jowls, look here..." she pointed at my face, "This should be pink. It's almost white, and verging toward yellow."
    My person and Jay went inside to talk about something. When they came back out, I heard my person say, "I agree. I don't want to wait till he's in absolute agony." So we went inside. Truth be told, I was feeling pretty badly, even though I was up and walking. It seemed like my whole head was cold, my paws were freezing, and my back legs weren't working right.
    The doctor pants lady said, "I'll just put this into his muscle. It's a sedative. Then I'll come back over here, and you can just love on him till he's asleep." My person kissed my face, and looked in my eyes. He was trying not to cry. Doctor pants lady gave me a shot of something in the leg. I just looked at my person. He is so awesome. I will always be right by his side.
    He and Jay petted me, and said the nicest things - what a good dog I am, what a good job I've done, how thankful they are to have me in their lives. After a while, my mind started buzzing. FOCUS! I looked back at my person. I love him so much.
    I drifted again. FOCUS! I can see my person. I love him so much. I will always be right by his side. He knows that. Am I sleepy? FOCUS! I'll always look at him with my whole heart...
    Doctor pants lady said, "He must have an incredible will to stay with you. He is really powering through. That's impressive." My person choked back tears and said, "I know. This guy lives for me. He is the most devoted soul I've ever met..." We put our heads together, and closed our eyes. I felt good. I can't really describe it. We looked at each other again. I just felt like riding that buzz, but maybe lying down was better. My person helped me down. Man, that felt gooooooood.
    I felt him and Jay petting me, and heard them talking to me. They love me so much. How lucky am I? Then I felt thousands of hands petting me. Everyone I'd ever known and loved was there, petting me, scratching my ears, and that spot under my collar that makes my leg move. Everyone should try this. It's just amazing!
    Then I felt the doctor pants lady touch my leg. Did I tell you that my person had to have both of my knees repaired? They're titanium, and have served me well, but you know... I've been feeling a little creaky lately.
    With everyone petting me, the doctor pants lady put another needle in my leg, but this time, as the fluid went in, my legs were healed! My knees were perfect! And as I felt it move through my body, my cancer disappeared! And then my kidneys felt better! And finally, even my heart was whole, and healthy! I felt like I had sprung away from all of my sickness. Amazing!
    I saw my person, and Jay, and the lady who lives at our house, Shelly. They seemed to be huddling over something. I walked over to look. It seemed like... I don't know. It kind of looked like me, but the way I looked when I was feeling really sick, or exhausted. The face was blurred out, so I couldn't really tell, but that poor guy looked like he had been suffering.
    I could tell my person was both relieved and very, very sad. I love him so much. I looked at that me-shaped shell, and I looked at him... I think he was sad about that shell. I jumped around the room, like a clown, but it seemed like they wanted to be somber, and focus on whatever that thing was they were petting and kissing.
    But my person was definitely sad. I leaned on him, like I've done a million times before, but it wasn't quite the same. It felt like his body was a cloud and I passed right through him. So I walked up next to him, sat like a good boy, and my heart whispered to his, "Don't worry, buddy. I gotcha covered."
    I will never leave his side. He knows that.
     
  14. Duke23

    Duke23 Well-Known Member

    That just made me bawl. I miss him so much.

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  15. Jakesmum

    Jakesmum Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute you've written about Duke!
     
  16. Duke23

    Duke23 Well-Known Member

    Thank you everyone for the kind words. Been hard but wanted to share is story. We are making him a memorial in the house. 2 trunks with his bowls, blanket, bed, few personal items, collar and tons of pics in albums but in them. Plus a pic frame up above.

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  17. Yamizuma

    Yamizuma Well-Known Member

    So sad but so beautiful. Thank you for sharing Duke and your story, and Scorning, that item was so...so...touching.


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  18. cj-sharpy

    cj-sharpy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear this but what a moving tribute to Duke. He really is a handsome bruiser and sounds like he was a fab friend to you.
    You will question your decision a little less every day but never stop completely. If you didn't miss him your not be human.

    Run free Duke.

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  19. jessicadawnnn

    jessicadawnnn Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry to hear about the passing of your best friend. My condolences to you and your family. I came across this very beautiful story and thought maybe you would like to give it a read:

    "Some of you, particularly those who think they have recently lost a dog to 'death', don’t really understand this. I’ve had no desire to explain, but won’t be around forever and must.

    Dogs never die. They don’t know how to. They get tired, and very old, and their bones hurt. Of course they don’t die. If they did they would not want to always go for a walk, even long after their old bones say: 'No, no, not a good idea. Let's not go for a walk.' Nope, dogs always want to go for a walk. They might get one step before their aging tendons collapse them into a heap on the floor, but that's what dogs are. They walk.

    It’s not that they dislike your company. On the contrary, a walk with you is all there is. Their boss, and the cacaphonic symphony of odor that the world is. Cat poop, another dog’s mark, a rotting chicken bone (exultation), and you. That’s what makes their world perfect, and in a perfect world death has no place.

    However, dogs get very very sleepy. That’s the thing, you see. They don't teach you that at the fancy university where they explain about quarks, gluons, and Keynesian economics. They know so much they forget that dogs never die. It’s a shame, really. Dogs have so much to offer and people just talk a lot.

    When you think your dog has died, it has just fallen asleep in your heart. And by the way, it is wagging its tail madly, you see, and that’s why your chest hurts so much and you cry all the time. Who would not cry with a happy dog wagging its tail in their chest. Ouch! Wap wap wap wap wap, that hurts. But they only wag when they wake up. That’s when they say: 'Thanks Boss! Thanks for a warm place to sleep and always next to your heart, the best place.'

    When they first fall asleep, they wake up all the time, and that’s why, of course, you cry all the time. Wap, wap, wap. After a while they sleep more. (remember, a dog while is not a human while. You take your dog for walk, it’s a day full of adventure in an hour. Then you come home and it's a week, well one of your days, but a week, really, before the dog gets another walk. No WONDER they love walks.)

    Anyway, like I was saying, they fall asleep in your heart, and when they wake up, they wag their tail. After a few dog years, they sleep for longer naps, and you would too. They were a GOOD DOG all their life, and you both know it. It gets tiring being a good dog all the time, particularly when you get old and your bones hurt and you fall on your face and don’t want to go outside to pee when it is raining but do anyway, because you are a good dog. So understand, after they have been sleeping in your heart, they will sleep longer and longer.

    But don’t get fooled. They are not 'dead.' There’s no such thing, really. They are sleeping in your heart, and they will wake up, usually when you’re not expecting it. It’s just who they are.

    I feel sorry for people who don’t have dogs sleeping in their heart. You’ve missed so much. Excuse me, I have to go cry now."


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  20. Big Mutt Luva

    Big Mutt Luva Active Member

    Beautiful story Jessica! I will share it with my tender hearted son who cries over dogs he's lost, and knows he will lose soon. We talk a lot about how dogs don't die- they leave the bodies behind that don't let them do the job they love, but only after they know we will be OK
     

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