I'm getting frustrated with the lack of response

[Catia]

I'm here for support, so please don't flame me.

I don't know what to do & I need to vent.
I'm starting to have serious doubts about Tessa, & I am really torn up about it.



Let me open by saying, yes, I skrewed up. I wasn't prepared for this type of dog.

I'm really starting to get disheartened & just frustrated with Tessa's lack of enthusiasm or reaction to everything.

Just trying to have fun with her is work.

This whole rant is selfish, I know, but I adopted a puppy because I wanted to put some fun & life back into my own life, after being sick for many years, and after loosing my last girl 3 yrs ago, & losing my family, I needed to put a spark back into life.

I waited a LONGGG time, looked at various other adult dogs, & pups & didn't jump into this lightly. I saved for a long time too.


At almost 21 weeks, it's not getting better, it's staying just the same, little improvement.
I feel as if I am trying to force a square peg into a circle hole.

She hates her collar, she hates her harness, she hates her leash, she doesn't get excited to go for walks or rides, she only will play for a few minutes & only if I engage her.


At the dog park she seems to like to interact with the other dogs, but that is short lived too, & she doesn't enjoy much chase & stops & lays down & just watches.

She doesn't seem to be very interested in me either, & I love her, but this whole thing just breaks my heart.
I hardly ever even get happy tail wags.

It's like she's just detached, & I now feel stuck or trapped in something I had no idea I even needed to prepare for.
I feel like I have an "end of life" dog & not a puppy.

She'd be great for an old person who just wants to do a 15 min 1/2 block walk & back, or maybe no walks at all & just a yard.


The only 2 things it appears she likes is to eat & sleep.
People think she's great because she is calm/mellow--fact is, she is never is motivated to "do" anything.


I'm trying to turn it around, but it is just exhausting me, every single thing is such an effort.
She's like an old dog who's lost their motivation.

She makes me feel bad just for wanting to walk her.
I'd do ANYTHING if it meant I could see happy tail wags.

When I come home, I actually spend the 1st 10 min with her in front of the full length mirror, just so I can see the happy tail wag for the very short time it occurs--that's how desperate I am to see some reaction from her.


I have never experienced this type of dog, and I openly admit I was not prepared at all.
She's stoic or something, "subtle" is an understatement.
I thought maybe it's a phase, but I think this is just the way she is.

I did not even know a temperament or characteristics like Tessa's existed in pups or dogs.

I've never experienced a pooch that wasn't playful & loving as a pup.
I look at her & my heart melts, I just want to cuddle up & love her & play with her, but that's not really what I've got, I always feel like I am forcing her.

I wanted something more, I wanted a pooch I could interact with on a different level, yes, I suppose I need a people pleaser, a dog who enjoys the interaction & shows it.

She's not bad or anything, it's just feeling like it's me, it's not a good fit & she's never going to be happy but just will tolerate.

 

[Tiger12490]

If that is indeed a TM then thats about what you get. This is why we constantly and some times kinda harsh try and let people know to research research before they get a breed. She ain a lab you have one of the most ancient breeds of dog there and they were meant to guard against predators not play ball. those LGD dogs have a mind of there own...most likely....that temp is her forever. ..

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I317 using Tapatalk 2

 

[ruthcatrin]

Well its hardly your fault for not knowing who her daddy was. The rescue told you rottie cross, you had every right to assume they had a clue.

Its not your fault.

She greets you when you get home with tail wags and signs of happyness yes? Then she's honestly happy to see you. She LIKES you.

She relaxes when you massage her, and even flops on you yes? She TRUSTS you. Maybe its just puppy trust right now, but that counts.

I know its hard. They're so unlike any other dog breed you've probly come close to. But everything you're describing to me (she brought you her toy to play with the other day!) tells me that she's actually quite happy with you.

Instead of working yourself to the bone to get a reaction take a deep breath and relax a bit. The more upset you are the more uptight she's going to be. Which in turn will make that happy body language less likely. Still take her to the dog park, but when she wants to flop and watch just enjoy her watching. That sort of thing.

 

[CowboyBebop]

I have to second what Tiger said. Also, while a puppy can bring happiness to one's life I would tend to think that maybe your expectations and the things you are trying to deal with on an emotional level might be a bit too much for even a puppy to change. True happiness comes from within and even a puppy won't change that. If you are truly in a place in your life where you aren't happy nothing externally is going to change that. And it may very well be that your puppy instinctively knows this. Upbeat personalities in puppies come with their own problems. Higher levels of energy can also mean they are more destructive and needy when you don't or can't handle those things. The couple of lab puppies I've had in my lifetime have been THE MOST CHRONICALLY DESTRUCTIVE puppies I've ever had. My bullmastiff on the other hand was not nearly as destructive or nearly as big of a headache while he was growing up.
I also have to say it might be unrealistic and a key indication that you aren't and weren’t really ready for any dog. If your first focus is on what the dog can provide for you, I’d say you're not ready for ownership It is just my opinion but dog ownership comes with a high price tag in responsibility and as a dog owner who loves my dog like a child, my first priority is what can I provide for my dog... ALWAYS! Everything he provides for me is a reward and side benefit. But that is just my opinion and opinions are like asses, almost everyone has one, some you just tend to like better than others.

 

[ruthcatrin]

Guys she didn't go out and get a TM pup. She rescued a "rottie cross"!

 

[Combat]

Have you tried enrolling her in obedience school? That would be a great way to be able to train her and to get to know your dog a bit better and her strengths and weaknesses. Training is another great way to bond with your dog. Look into an experienced, private trainer.

It almost sounds as though she is depressed, if she doesn't get excited about anything and doesn't seem interested in anything, it could very well be because she is depressed in some way. Make an appointment with the veterinarian and see what he may have to say.

Some dogs don't like the dog park and that is fine and you have to respect that. I have known many dogs that do the exact same as she does when going to the dog park. That behavior is normal to me.

You're frustrated, I understand but relax and focus on your dog. Take a breath, and get to know your dog a bit better and bond with her. Train her, socialize her. Take her to new and interesting places.

You say that she loves food, that's great. If she's food motivated, incorporate food into your dog's daily struggles. Use bits of food for going on walks, getting the collar/harness/leash on her, getting her to get into the car, play time, etc. Don't use treats as a life time thing. Use bits of treats at first for a couple of weeks and see where it takes you. Remember, don't use treats every single time you do something, mix it up a bit. Get the dog excited, but don't let her think that she's only doing it for the treats.

Just some ideas.

 

[ruthcatrin]

It almost sounds as though she is depressed, if she doesn't get excited about anything and doesn't seem interested in anything, it could very well be because she is depressed in some way. Make an appointment with the veterinarian and see what he may have to say.

A vet check when theres a concern is never a bad idea, but the pup is displaying very typical TM behavior.

 

[Smokeycat]

I can somewhat understand what your feeling. When I got my EM I knew I was getting a laid back low energy dog, I just didn't expect that I would get that dog at 11 weeks. All he wanted to do was eat and sleep anything else seemed to be done because I wanted to do it and he just accepted that. That was his normal until he was 6 months old and then it was like a switch got flipped and all of a sudden he was the puppy that I expected from the beginning. It could be that her 'puppy ness' is just delayed.

 

[broccolini]

My TM pup is a bit atypical. She loves to fetch and play chase. I wasn't expecting her to enjoy toys as much as she does. Still, it's nowhere near the level of playfulness you'd get from a different breed.

When we come home, she barely lifts her head to look at us and she almost never demands attention. So, your pup sounds completely normal to me. I can see how it's frustrating for you if you were expecting something different.

I got a TM on purpose so I was mentally prepared for a dog that wouldn't want to play, wouldn't want treats, probably wouldn't want any attention and would destroy everything in sight. Everything she does that is not as bad as I thought it would be is a bonus.

If I were you, I'd try adjusting my expectations.

 

[Catia]

Tessa does not get excited.
This has been the most difficult thing for me to describe-I have done the most ridiculous things to try to get a reaction out of her.
She's even steven, stoic-subtle-whatever you want to call it-she never ever over reacts-she just doesn't.
She *might* get rambunctious with the cat, but not like most puppies.
She ***IS*** healthy.
She is not depressed.
She eats quality food (am mid transition from SG wolf cub to Orijen)



I play with her in the morning before work & socilaize her with the school children every morning.
I have a professional trainer I pay to come into my home while I am at work-at lunch time who walks her &/or plays fetch.(I just started letting her out of the yard with others for walks-)
I take her for walks after work & we hit the playground for the kids &/or the trails & dog park.
Every kid in the neighborhood knows my pooch by name, & I live in the city.
She's not lacking socilization by any stretch, we are out more than most people.

No, I did not know what I was getting into, my experience is with rotties/danes/shepherds.

I adopted a rottie mix, & that she is, but there is no trace of rottie temperament.

I ended up here because I was on a rottie forum trying to figure out what was 'wrong' with her, because her behavior is so alien to me, & another member recognized some of the behaviors I was trying to describe, took a good look at her & directed me here.
There's nothing 'wrong' with Tessa, this is just the way she is. This isn't her fault, & it's not my fault.

I've had big dogs all of my life, mostly velcro & super people pleasing. I've done rescue as well.
I'm totally out of my element, which is why I am here.
I've never had an independent breed.
She is a serious girl.
I didn't even know dogs like this existed & fully understand now why people mostly think I am full of shit when I try to explain-most people will never experience the difference, because there aren't many around.

Yes, the difference is shaking me up.
I'm not one to take responsibilities lightly.
I've taken care of my family, raised a kid that isn't mine & still support her in college.

Yes, I wanted a playful pup. I did/do want that energy.
I want to go out & do things & interact with people & dogs & hike & swim with my pooch & take my pooch on vacations.
I know what I've experienced in the past & thought I was sticking with what I know.

It's not easy coming on a forum & telling people you're out of your element & lost.
It has nothing to do with me expecting true happiness to be provided by my pooch.
It has to do with me admitting I might have more than I can handle & less of what I expected, which under the circumstances is true.

I'm not sure what I should or can do about the situation.

I am just thankful I found this place because at least I am getting advice from TM owners.
I think anyone else would just dismiss her behaviors/temperament.

 

[ruthcatrin]

I'm not sure what I should or can do about the situation.

Deep breath. Relax.

TMs are incredibly sensitive to their owner's emotions, especially once they've bonded to them and Tessa is showing signs of having done so. So the more uptight you get about it the more reserved she's going to get.

DO reward her for displays of affection, but also realize that when she's willing to completely relax in your preseance (or even on your feet or lap!) thats ALSO a sign of affection.

When you take her to the dog park, when she stops and flops, call her back to you and let her relax at your feet till she wants to play again or you're ready to go home. The watch and listen time will help with socialization and she may very well enjoy it.

 

[broccolini]

I think you should seriously consider re-homing her if her personality is not what you want in a dog. As she matures, you might even find her harder to live with.

I don't think you should feel bad about this situation. They are a unique breed and certainly not what you signed up for.

 

[Doggyhelpplease]

When did you get her again (like how long ago)? Maybe she needs more time to bond. My TM took awhile to bring me toys etc, but now I cannot stop her from trying to bring me items to engage (she also tries to bring them to the cat...cat is never pleased). Mine does play fetch which is not normally a trait of theirs (I do not think many of her sisters or brothers do), but they are all different and I am sure you will find something she likes eventually that you can both do. Maybe she needs more time to bond. My dog still does not look at me when we walk...she will listen to my "this way" command decently now (almost 6months) but I am still not the centre of her world if there is what she perceives a threat ec. The first training puppy class I did with her she did not complete any command or focus for 45mins (and she knew them) but eventually she did seem to listen a little more every class (very little but more - we had labs and dobes showing us up lol). I brought her to a second round of classes and she did much better and was a little more engaged. I know, I am kinda just rambling but my point is give it more time, she will never be a rottie but things will improve, I think if she bonds with you more. Keep the collar and leash on her around the home maybe to get her use to it. My dog also hated it though it only lasted maybe a week or 2.

 

[Catia]

My TM pup is a bit atypical. She loves to fetch and play chase. I wasn't expecting her to enjoy toys as much as she does. Still, it's nowhere near the level of playfulness you'd get from a different breed.

When we come home, she barely lifts her head to look at us and she almost never demands attention. So, your pup sounds completely normal to me. I can see how it's frustrating for you if you were expecting something different.

I got a TM on purpose so I was mentally prepared for a dog that wouldn't want to play, wouldn't want treats, probably wouldn't want any attention and would destroy everything in sight. Everything she does that is not as bad as I thought it would be is a bonus.

If I were you, I'd try adjusting my expectations.

LOL, Thank You--for making me laugh--because you speak the truth!
Yes, one should be *mentally prepared* for this breed
And I was *not* to say the least.
I was exepcting a velcro-leaner who would force my ass outta bed to play, not a pooch who sleeps through the alarms longer than I do.


Ruth--I was in tears after that 1st post, I went to lay down on the sofa, Tessa climbed up, flopped on top of me & licked my face. She never licks my face. (though i'm forever kissing hers).

 

[ruthcatrin]

Ruth--I was in tears after that 1st post, I went to lay down on the sofa, Tessa climbed up, flopped on top of me & licked my face. She never licks my face. (though i'm forever kissing hers).

aaawwww

 

[Doggyhelpplease]

LOL, Thank You--for making me laugh--because you speak the truth!
Yes, one should be *mentally prepared* for this breed
And I was *not* to say the least.
I was exepcting a velcro-leaner who would force my ass outta bed to play, not a pooch who sleeps through the alarms longer than I do.


Ruth--I was in tears after that 1st post, I went to lay down on the sofa, Tessa climbed up, flopped on top of me & licked my face. She never licks my face. (though i'm forever kissing hers).

See there you go. She is intune with you. I know what you wanted but really this is who needs you. I respect what broccolini has stated last about a possible rehome but I believe that would be a mistake, though it is a personal decision as well.

 

[bullyhillmama]

She loves you My daughter is also Tessa, so I love your pup by default already.. I don't have anything wise to say. But hugs!!!

 

[NeSaxena]

Sweetie, though I don't have a TM, I definitely have a BM with a temperament very close to a TM. It's been 5 months since we've had him, and he's JUST starting to wag his tail for maybe 5 minutes when I come back home from work. This is after my last dogs were a lab, a shepherd, a boxer and a pug who everyone else danced around . He has his tiny bursts of energy, and that's the only time I can really play with or train him. I admit, it has taken a lot of work, and I agree (exactly like everyone else has said), she might be like this for the rest of her life.

OR she might turn around completely once she hits the 7-8 month or the 2 year mark. With the mastiff breeds, you NEVER know what you're gonna end up with, with the exception of maybe great danes - DD will be able to chime in here. I've read posts here where a completely mellow mastiff flips and becomes a rambunctious mess at the 7 month mark, I mean LITERALLY slept calm and woke up to be another dog. Or vice versa. From MM and ruth, I understand that TM's are generally calm and "I don't want to do that" dogs, excellent to keep you grounded. And from your posts, Tessa is clearly more TM than rottie.

Although, yes, I understand that you were looking for one that brings a lot of play and energy in your life. Why not spend some time at the shelter you picked Tessa up from and play with some dogs there? Yeah, I know that would probably make you want to get another one, and maybe you can a few months down the line, but this is just a suggestion Tessa definitely likes you, and clearly needs you. I like Combat's idea of an obedience class as well - you say she does show some attempts to play with dogs when you go to the park. It'll give you an opportunity to release your fun energy with other pups

And yeah, like ruth said, these guys definitely pick up your moods, and reflect it. I KNOW it is NOT easy to be happy, chirpy around a dog that just does not want to be, but I've seen the difference it makes. In my house. Since Boone was so laid back, my hubby became really serious and quiet around him as well. Whereas I kept clowning around no matter how much Boone didn't want to (inclluding cuddling, wrestling, talking, simply lying down next to him, picking him up and transferring him to the other side, tickling, bugging - name it, I did it). Now, Boone'll play with me, but not with him as much. It'll definitely make a little difference. Like you said already, slow going, and loads of patience needed

 

[SavingGrace]

I've never experienced a TM, but am on my second CC and can tell you that when I come let the dogs out at lunch, I walk into the house and wait 5 minutes. Eventually my CC hops out of OUR bed to greet me, she was sleeping and I disturbed her beauty sleep. She consistently sleeps longer than me and is more than happy to laze on the couch. Our first was similar. Mastiffs can be lazy - they are definitely not like labs or shepherds or any other breed. It can take some getting used to, but it is WONDERFUL once you experience it. It's strange to say, but have you ever noticed how people who somewhat ignore their dogs get all of their dogs attention? Don't get me wrong, I spoil the crap out of my dogs, but instead of worrying so much about how YOU can get a reaction out of HER - let her come to you. Go about your daily routine and don't worry so much about catering to her. She will tell you when she wants attention.

I like the additional training idea - I formed a great bond with both of my dogs during training. It really is a great bonding tool and can increase the amount of respect you both have for each other tremendously, and very quickly.

As others have said, it seems like she truly loves you and is happy to see you, just how she expresses it is different. Mastiffs are lazy - and they are crazy smart. They show it differently but they deeply love their family. If you can accept that, wonderful! You could also get a 2nd dog that offers more of the velcro-esque qualities you're looking for. That would give her a playmate and help you with what you need. I can tell you from experience, my velcro dog is my Eurasier. He's a great dog, got confused for a TM when he was a pup, he's much smaller and bonds very closely to people. He isn't real athletic, but he'll face lick the crap outta ya!

I don't know how you could compete with a TM/Rottie Mix face-lick! Sounds perfect!!

 

[Catia]

Ok, other admittance, I'm a bit intimidated about the guardian aspect.
I'm not afraid of her, just want to clarify.
I'm worried about the guardian instinct combined with the independent thought.

I know socialization has a LOT to do with it, but the guardian aspect is there in a TM no matter what.

This isn't going to be like socializing a rottie, shepherd or a dane, & I've never had a guardian breed, or at least not of this magnatude.

I've thought about it recently, because now I have to...
It is probably a good idea to have a guardian, especially in my neighborhood when walking at night & similar, but I've never managed it, I don't know what to expect.
Also, I do have a pretty serious health condition & in emergency situations, I can become unresponsive fast, I'd not want people getting hurt if they need to assist me.
It's things like this I am thinking about.
This is also why I am all torn up.
I do not want to put myself in a situation that I cannot manage.

I also love her a lot & do not want to give her up. The guardian thing has to be considered in a different light, it's not like she's a lab.