Goodbye my kindred spirit

[ruby55]

I can't say anything more than what everyone here has told you. I'm sure that, in your heart, you've resolved this loss. Anyone who rescues knows the pain, and sometimes, relief, of letting go of the one that just can't be fixed. Whether Ziva's behavior was from medical issues, or the demons in her head, it doesn't matter & you'll never know. What you SHOULD know, is that you, Debra, Cane, & Jezzy all made that girl's life heaven in the end. RIP Ziva. Be happy now.

 

[Doggyhelpplease]

Sorry AB, it sounded like you gave a Ziva a great home for over 2 years when people would have given up on her. You did save her and loved her. Her time on the earth may have been shorter but she got to experience a proper family before she left with two ladies that loved her.

 

[angelbears]

I don't know Ruby. It has been 10 days and my heart is still in turmoil. It just screams out, "Why didn't we crate and rotate". At least I would be able to feed and walk her. My mind on the other hand knows that to crate her would have devastated her. At night she would have terrible nightmares, bad enough that I had started staying up later than I used to so I would be able to bring her out of them. Her whole body would shake and quiver. Really bad ones, her little eyes would be shut but you could she her eyeballs rolling around, her lips curled up, barring her teeth. I would place my hand on her chest or grab her paw and hold it tight and tell her, " Momma here" and tell her it was okay, she would give a sigh and stretch back out never really waking up but would seem to be okay. If she was crated I wouldn't have been able to help her through them.

I'm just rambling on I just can't understand that after 2 1/2 years how she could become so violent, so quick. I missed so many signs, I'm just not sure what they were.

 

[CeeCee]

Oh AB, I wish there was something I could say to take away your pain and doubt. I don't really know you, but from what I have seen you are a woman who is motivated by love and respect. And will do WHATEVER it takes for a soul in need. Animals know what many of us do not. Life is not meant to be survived. It is meant to be LIVED - actively, passionately, and whole heartedly.

When you made the decision, you trusted yourself. You trusted your knowledge and love of Ziva. There is nothing to be gained - for Ziva or for you by second guessing yourself. Trust yourself and trust the Universe. Ziva does.

 

[Doggyhelpplease]

At night she would have terrible nightmares, bad enough that I had started staying up later than I used to so I would be able to bring her out of them. Her whole body would shake and quiver. Really bad ones, her little eyes would be shut but you could she her eyeballs rolling around, her lips curled up, barring her teeth. I would place my hand on her chest or grab her paw and hold it tight and tell her, " Momma here" and tell her it was okay, she would give a sigh and stretch back out never really waking up but would seem to be okay. If she was crated

Maybe having some sort of seizures while she slept? They can show up many different ways and don't always look like the typical "seizure". It was not signs you missed...you seemed to know her better than many people ever know their dogs. You did the right thing, a crate and rotate is no life for a girl that had a terrible life before you. You were there for her and thats what she needed. Its great that you can rescue and it takes a strong lady to do so as it often comes with extra effort and pain...I do not know if I could do something as self-less as you but you were strong for her. I do not really type that often on the forum but I do read many, if not all of the posts and you did not fail her. She is at peace now.

 

[raechiemay]

AB, I've been MIA for about a month now but I still come on & read threads when I have the time & I can't not respond to this. I'm sorry it's late but please don't beat yourself up about your decision. You gave Ziva everything she could've ever needed. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you & Debra gave her the world even in the short time she was with you guys. I think it's common to have your doubts, I know I did when we had Jessie put to sleep. I did the same thing...I fought myself wondering why I let her go. Why didn't I do the meds, push for surgery but if there's anything I couldn't agree more on it's the quality of life. It was not in Jessie's best interest to hobble around on 3 legs, 128 lbs, already arthritic & incontinent...so I let her go. It's like that saying, if you love something set it free. I know the other part of that saying goes something along the lines of if it's meant to be, it will find it's way back which may sound strange to reference that in my post but you'll see your sweet girl again. I promise. She'll be waiting for you.

Hugs to you & Deb.

 

[raechiemay]

Is my post visible above? It gave me an error when I hit post, so hopefully it's there.

 

[angelbears]

I see it! The forum has been a little whacko here lately.

Thank you for posting, I know that you have been weaning yourself away. From a truly selfish standpoint, I hope that this sucks you back in. Jessie and Ziva are free from pain and yes, I can't wait for the day that I can look back into Ziva's eye's and tell her, " Momma's here".

 

[NYDDB]

I can't wait for the day that I can look back into Ziva's eye's and tell her, " Momma's here".

OMG, this made me almost tear up. Those are some of the most heart-felt words I have read...

Big hug to you, ab.

 

[Smart_Family]

I'm so very sorry AB. Run free Ziva!

 

[raechiemay]

OMG, this made me almost tear up. Those are some of the most heart-felt words I have read...

Big hug to you, ab.

Yep! Had me tearing up!! If I have anything in my life to look up to, it's you & Debra for the love & compassion that you show not only to each other but to your family as well. You guys are awesome

 

[angelbears]

Thank you Raechie! There have been many accolades given most are not deserved. However, Debra and I do have a special relationship and I hope that you find that someday. I wish that for everyone.

 

[chuckorlando]

AB I'm sorry for the situation you ended up in. Life aint never been fair, sometimes more so then others. With all the options weighed, at the end of the day, you gotta do what you gotta do. Gonna take longer then 10days I'm sorry to say. If your like me, even after your better, you will still be mad at the lack of fairness and understanding. But you will get better. Jut live in the reality and forget the what if's. I'm sorry for your loss

 

[angelbears]

Oh Chuck, you do still love me. Yes, you and I are a lot a like. The unfairness is driving me crazy. Not for me but for Ziva.

Thank you Chuck.

 

[Jadotha]

AB

I am so terribly sorry you are going through the pain of losing Ziva, and the angst of second-guessing your decision! In all honesty, I have to say that I, personally, would have tried the crate and rotate or other means of separation, before making an irrevocable decision. However, this was a rescue Fila. Additionally, the situation reminds me of what happened to an acquaintance of mine on a Great Dane forum. She was a highly experienced dog owner and apprentice professional trainer. She adopted a beautiful GD bitch, who unfortunately came with quite a lot of 'baggage'. Judging from videos, my acquaintance's training was impeccable, but the dog had completely bizarre and unpredictable outbursts in which she growled and snapped at family members -- actually biting them on a number of occasions. My acquaintance worked committedly with this dog to help her overcome her 'demons', and refused to consider the option of releasing her spirit. Then after a couple of years of hard and diligent training and work, the dog was lying on the sofa with the teenage daughter -- perfectly relaxed -- and suddenly attacked the girl, biting her face so seriously it has left scars (not to mention the emotional ones). My acquaintance was devastated and had her dog put to sleep. As hard as it was -- because of course the dog was beautifully obedient and hopped up on the euthenisation table and lay down -- my acq. was heartbroken, but relieved her pup's spirit had been released from its demons, and regretted that she had not made the decision earlier.

So you have undoubtedly averted a tragedy waiting to happen! I know that many rescues become wonderful family members and companions, but some of them come with history that is difficult, or sometimes impossible to overcome. Walk through the dark forest with serenity and peace.....

 

[joshuagough]

I want to first say I'm sorry for your loss. I can only imagine dealing with this situation. That said your emotionally strong enough if *anyone is* to come out the other side of this.

You can sit and second guess everything there is in life, we all do and that's just being human. I think you did what you thought was best and I can't say I disagree with you and I'm the hardest person to ever convince it's ever time to put a dog down.

One of the toughest things to deal with having rescues is not knowing what they've been thru. Then watching different situations in their life bring out the unexpected. I've seen that time and again, it's always heart breaking. I also, always believe it's something I've failed them on.. but that's not usually the case, it's just me wanting to fix something that's ingrained in them that's not always removable. You invested a lot of time, money and energy and most of all love with her.. that's what truly counts.

Even if you tried the sun and the moon it doesn't always mean it fixes everything and your other dog shouldn't have to deal with that. Re-homing could have had terrible implications also, there a few qualified owners out there (1) willing with enough time & (2) knowledgeable enough to deal with a dog like this. I look for them often with very problematic dogs.

I know it will take time most of all but don't give up on rescues. My hope is some day this gives you that much more drive to work with another rescue that will be that much better because of Ziva.

God speed Ziva! Your in our thoughts & prayers AB.. losing any 4legger' usually means more to me than just about anything else in the world, I know your dealing with the same.

I don't know Ruby. It has been 10 days and my heart is still in turmoil. It just screams out, "Why didn't we crate and rotate". At least I would be able to feed and walk her. My mind on the other hand knows that to crate her would have devastated her. At night she would have terrible nightmares, bad enough that I had started staying up later than I used to so I would be able to bring her out of them. Her whole body would shake and quiver. Really bad ones, her little eyes would be shut but you could she her eyeballs rolling around, her lips curled up, barring her teeth. I would place my hand on her chest or grab her paw and hold it tight and tell her, " Momma here" and tell her it was okay, she would give a sigh and stretch back out never really waking up but would seem to be okay. If she was crated I wouldn't have been able to help her through them.

I'm just rambling on I just can't understand that after 2 1/2 years how she could become so violent, so quick. I missed so many signs, I'm just not sure what they were.

 

[Bentley]

My absolute sympathies for what was a hard but I believe totally correct decision

 

[chuckorlando]

AB I would not hate you. I have faith in you and the wifes judgement. It's easy to make up scenarios on this end of a computer about the reality of your end. Being your not affraid to take on full grown rescue fila, I dont see you being afraid of the work. So if you felt the need to come to a result, the need must have been there. Only you know how bad the situation was. I you felt it was that bad, then it must have been.

What some may not have experience in here is the breed. A fila thats gone south is a very bad thing.

 

[angelbears]

Jadotha and Josh I truly appreciate that both of you posted. I have a feeling that I'm not one of ya'lls favorite poster Your truly heartfelt post speaks volumes of who you are. I have come to the conclusion that "real" dog people are some of the finest people you can associate yourself with.

Josh, thank you for the kind words especially regarding rescues. I just can't see myself rescuing on the scale that I had at one time intended to. We are at the time in our life that the kids are grown and could afford to keep 4 dogs. I had really dreamed of bringing in seniors that had lost their people or special need dogs. Maybe after Cane is gone I will reconsider. I would be able to bring in a trainer or behaviorist if we ran into trouble.

Once again I can't stress how much each and every comment has meant to me and Debra. As silly as it may seem, There is just one last thing that I have got to say. Ziva was a beautiful and loving dog. She was not bad or evil In her short life she handled more than what most humans could. Run free my beautiful girl.

 

[looby73]

I've not been on the forum much lately so sorry that this is rather late after the event but.....
I'm so sorry you had to make such a heart-breaking decision but I'm sure you thought it through and knew what you were doing was for the best for all concerned. I hope you're starting to heal a little now.