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Not sure what to call this!

MastiffMillie

Well-Known Member
I've not posted for a while but have been reading others' posts. Millie is doing well and growing up! What I'm about to write is going to sound awful but I'm hoping someone else has felt like this too and will have some words of wisdom.

Millie is my second dog. My first we got in 2011, a dogue de Bordeaux purebreed, Mollie, who was the most gentle, sweet adorable girl ever and I loved her so much. Unfortunately we lost her last August, 3 months after her diagnosis of DCM. Those 3 months were hard, emotionally draining work with constant medication, monitoring and trying to get her to eat. I knew when it was time to have her PTS.

I hated the empty house so 3 months later we got Millie. Was a bit spur of the moment if I'm honest. Went to see pups, she was the last, couldn't bear to leave her, so we got her. I liked the idea of a dog that was a mastiff still but was bitter towards having a purebreed as Mollie was and still died after a lot of heartache.

As you may know, she's a cross bullmastiff and dogue. Although questionable because of her unique colouring!

She's great. Friendly, well behaved, toilet trained, has stopped puppy biting, is playful and loving. My kids adore her. But although I love having her too, I cannot help but compare her and don't feel the same bond I had with my last dog. I'm hoping it comes?

Millie has so many positives but I get hung up on the negatives...... her recall has gone backwards for starters. Hoping that's her age (10 months) And don't laugh at this one...... she sometimes holds her ears back in a peculiar way which makes her look..... odd!!

I sound totally horrible. She's lovely but I keep comparing. Almost as though there's a dogue de Bordeaux scratch that hasn't been itched yet..... if that makes sense?

I'm really hoping others have felt like this about a new dog and that one day I'll look back and think I was crazy to have ever felt like this.
 

DennasMom

Well-Known Member
Every dog is unique. I was worried after we lost our first dog, how the second would compare...

But he was a TOTAL opposite... yet still a love. We went from a big (200lb) guardian pound puppy (Rott/GSD/Pyrn) to a medium (100lb) rescue puppy (Lab/Dane/X)... so from the guardian attitude of "You stay there, I'll take care of it" to the labby "Tell me what to do!! Again!! Again!!"

We loved them both, and with Denna are closer to the Guardian attitude of the first dog.

If you need to search for a reason for a bond... consider that maybe Mollie CHOSE Millie for you... why would she do that?? Did she want you to experience something completely different the world of Dog Love?
There is so much to explore when learning about a new creature in your life. Embrace the differences - it's ok to compare and contrast - similarities are comforting, but diversity is also a very good thing. It keeps the brain on its toes! :)

I think what you're doing is completely natural, but hopefully it doesn't come between you and your new pup. She's too cute not to get all of your love. And, yeah, 10 months is another one of those 'testing phases' that they go through. Fun times!
 

Nik

Well-Known Member
As DennasMom says above comparing is natural but learn to embrace the uniqueness of the individual. As for the things that you are picking at.

1. The ear thing. Diesel went through a weird phase with his ears where one was always flopped over sideways. It was the weirdest thing. I want to say that was before he turned a year old. He grew out of it and now we refer to him as our handsome male model dog. He is all muscle bound gorgeousness and his weird silly ear flops just don't happen anymore. Now I kind of miss that one goofy thing he did.

2. The recall and obedience issues. 10 months is very young. Distractions are usually still an issue at this age, attention span can be an issue, hormones just getting going... so much going on at that age. Just keep working through it.

Diesel was a huge handful up until about two years old and he mellowed out sooo much. He can still be a handful at times but he is slowly but surely turning into the angel dog I always knew he was. My old dog who passed never had his stubborn tendencies or his energy level and was easier in many respects. But.... Diesel is so much smarter and my Cerberus (my old dog) was not a dummy. Diesel is just truly really intelligent but you mix that with his stubborn tendencies and high amounts of energy and you end up with quite the handful especially when he is a young pup. Now that he has mellowed that intelligence is such a blessing. Anyhow that's just a long way of saying some of the things that are trying now may turn out to be side effects of a wonderful personality trait or a good excuse to train and bond further with your dog. Diesel took so much work that I really spent a lot of time focused on him which naturally led to lots of bonding.

Also keep in mind that part of what you are doing with this comparison is still grieving the loss of your older dog. Nobody can replace her and part of you may be disappointed or sad about that. Hoping that hole can somehow be filled and you can have her back. But, that doesn't happen and it can be a bit of a blow to realize that even if you already knew it intellectually. When we first got Kahlua after Cerberus had passed I had to remind myself many times that she couldn't possibly replace him but that she was just another soul to love and help bring comfort and joy into our lives and help all of us heal from the loss. I can't even tell you how many times I had to have that particular pep talk with myself. And I wasn't feeling like she was lacking in anyway as a puppy. She's a wonderful dog.

Just go a little easy on yourself. Have as many pep talks with yourself as you need. And keep working on that training and remind yourself that you are dealing with one of those ages that isn't particularly easy and is a little awkward and goofy.
 

Boxergirl

Well-Known Member
I made a post about four years ago about Al. I had just lost the love of my life, Ed, and I was still grieving deeply when I brought Al home. I know your Millie doesn't have "issues" like Al, but maybe something about how I felt will help.

http://www.mastiff-forum.com/index....thday-hes-my-high-anxiety-reactive-boy.15574/

What I don't say in that post is that even though I do love Al very much, he was never exactly enough. I brought home Leo, an adult rescue, when Al was five months old and he was the dog that I developed an immediate bond with. I think that sometimes love isn't enough to fill the empty space those special dogs leave behind. I don't think that's the fault of the dog or the human, I think it just is what it is.