I lost my best friend

Discussion in 'Memorials' started by sjdavenport, Dec 14, 2018.

  1. sjdavenport

    sjdavenport Well-Known Member

    I said goodbye to Mazey on November 23rd. She was not a mastiff, but in the past, I spoke of her frequently on this forum. I would have done anything to save her, but in the end, I couldn't do anything. She declined very quickly from cardiac hemangiosarcoma that ruptured and began to bleed into the sac around her heart. She was so normal - went on a mile walk, went to physical therapy that morning, ate her dinner with gusto, was her normal happy self - and then she wasn't. I told myself this would get easier with time, but it hasn't. I always thought I would have enough time to really say goodbye. I honestly don't know how to be without her. She has been there my entire adult life. She was there when I graduated high school, went away to college with me (where she was my partner in crime, thankfully we both survived all my mistakes), was my shoulder to cry on when vet school was too hard. For twelve years, she has been my constant companion. Went with me on every single trip, was there for my wedding, was there when my dad died. She taught me how to be a compassionate, responsible dog owner. I keep thinking how hard I tried to make sure she lived a life full of adventure and love, hoping that will make me feel better. But all I feel is lost. It hurts every time I get in my car to go to work without her, every time I collect 3 dog food bowls instead of 4, every time my eyes wander over to where she should be in her bed, every time I pause on our daily walks to wait on her to catch up before I realize she's not there. I miss her.

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  2. Smokeycat

    Smokeycat Well-Known Member

    So sorry for your loss. RIP Mazey.
     
  3. BlackShadowCaneCorso

    BlackShadowCaneCorso Super Moderator Staff Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. It take a lot of time for hearts to start to heal when you lose such a close companion.
     
  4. Boxergirl

    Boxergirl Well-Known Member

    Words can't express how sorry I am to read this. It's always been clear what she meant to you. Thank you for sharing her with us. As you know, Mazey has always been my favorite girl. You have so many special memories with her. How lucky you both were for her to land in your home. I hope that if there's really a place our dogs go to wait for us, Mazey has found and made a friend of my Al. She'd be good for him and he could use a kind and patient friend. My thoughts are with you and your family. I figure the hurt is so big because we loved them so much.
     
  5. Bailey's Mom

    Bailey's Mom Super Moderator Staff Member

    I am sorrowful for you. Your life's shadow has passed and you are aching for her presence. This I think must be what an amputation feels like...the phantom sensation that she is there behind you, lying in her usual place, that there is a familiar weight lying against your leg and yet you look down and she's not there. You feel her, and that memory is crushed by the truth that she has gone before you. And she will await you there faithfully. I believe you will see her again.

    Mazey is an honorary Mastiff. She has been a joy to many of us here at the Forum. I will send her Howl to Heaven to honour her.
     
  6. marke

    marke Well-Known Member

    very sad , till you see her again ………. looks to have had a great life ….. my condolences , it was apparent how you felt about her ………….
     
  7. glen

    glen Super Moderator Staff Member

    So so sorry for your loss,
     
  8. Sheila Braund

    Sheila Braund Well-Known Member

    So very sorry for your loss. Mazey was a wonderful companion. I too believe you will see her again. (((Hug)))
     
  9. Michele

    Michele Super Moderator Staff Member

    I'm so sorry.....
     
  10. Nik

    Nik Well-Known Member

    I truly am so sorry to hear this. My heart is breaking for you and your post brought tears to my eyes. Mazey was just as much one of our pack as all of our mastiff and mastiff mixes and I can't imagine anyone here feels any different. Your words feel like an echo of how I felt when Cerberus went. Like yourself he was with me my whole adult life through tragedies, through triumphs, through everything... I too believe they are waiting for us at the end. Sending you hugs and love from me and my pack to you and your pack. <3
     
  11. Jakesmum

    Jakesmum Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry for your loss. I'd like to say it does get easier, but it's been almost 3 months since I lost my Jake and I still miss him every single day. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.
     
  12. Nik

    Nik Well-Known Member

    I don't think we ever stop missing them. Two years since we lost Cerberus and I still miss hearing the tap tap of his feet on the floor or feeling his weight against my legs or seeing his ridiculous goofy gallop run when he's happy. But I also feel that he lives on in Diesel and all he taught Diesel and of course he always is in my heart as well. <3
     
    Jakesmum likes this.
  13. sjdavenport

    sjdavenport Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I appreciate the kind words, and I'm so very sorry about Al. I dearly hope we will see them again. Mazey came so far from from the sad, shut down dog that my stepmom and I picked up to foster 12 years ago, and I have found some comfort in that. I laid down in the back of the van with her and her puppies and rode the whole two hours home talking to her, telling her that everything would be ok, that she would be ok. We were told by more than one evaluator that she was not an adoptable dog. And thankfully, they were right. She spent the rest of her life exactly where she belonged - with me. She overcame all her fears and met and touched the lives of many people. Many more people than I had even realized. I have received condolences from many unexpected sources, people she met and made an impression on throughout her life - someone who met her at a party many years ago, my little brother's middle school girlfriend, past coworkers, classmates who practiced many different exams/procedures on her (she was such a patient teacher), our wedding photographer, the list goes on. She was a one of a kind.
     
    DennasMom likes this.
  14. sjdavenport

    sjdavenport Well-Known Member

    Thank you. This is beautifully put. And such an accurate description of how I'm feeling. Something is missing that every fiber in my being still believes should be there. It feel unnatural to be without her.
     
  15. sjdavenport

    sjdavenport Well-Known Member

    I appreciate your kind words. I remember when you lost your dear Cerberus. I pray that we get to see them again one day.
     
  16. sjdavenport

    sjdavenport Well-Known Member

    Thank you. I was so terribly sorry to hear about Jake. We never get enough time with them. I now understand why so many people tell me they don't think they can get another dog after losing one. It's so hard. So heartbreaking.
     
    Jakesmum likes this.
  17. DennasMom

    DennasMom Well-Known Member

    No words. Just more tears to share with you.
    Such a beautiful companion. I'm glad you had each other.
     

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